Please read my stories with an open mind and heart. I write these stories as entertainment and to record my stories as a carer not to blame or offend anyone.

I am exhausted … Mr.J. is into his next round of ‘where has it disappeared?’ which is giving me a migraine. I have on duty for 3 weeks now without a day off. I am in a constant tremor of stress. He comes to me and demands to be told where his LP’s have gone. A few minutes later he is upset about the Christmas card list that it is not written in a giant exercise book but on a piece of paper.

I kindly ask him to make his list the way he likes it. Then, he goes off on not finding the right pen to write with.
After the morning ‘I am not wearing these heavy shoes where are the light ones?’ and then the ‘you have not told me we were going to the surgery today!’(only 600 times) I am simply exhausted.

In the afternoon, I closed my bedroom’s door on me for two hours. That is what I have out of a 15-hour day, 2 hours without constant upset and looking for something.

As soon as I resume my duties, we are back to the ‘I am rude to you so I can feel better’ scheme. Mr.J has been very upset about not being able to locate last year’s Chx Card list which makes him agitated and angry most of the time. Since he cannot help it he lets it down someone else: the carer.

I suspect we are all different regarding how much stress we can bear or the type of stress we can or cannot function under. Psycho-neurological stress seems to be the worst. It feels as if the constant worry about what ‘Mr.J is going to come up with now?’ is shuttering my neuro-structure into pieces.

I am not sure who came up with the idea of 15-hour working days (officially It is only 8 hours) with dementia patients whose behaviour, in my opinion, can cause long-term psychological damage in healthy a healthy mind. It reminds me of the invention of bras. They were invented by a man who never had to wear them. I suspect the people who figured that it is OK to live-in with and be around a dementia patient 15 hours a day, have never worked with them 15 hours a day.

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